Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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