dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
