Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
