I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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