Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
