what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
