Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
