It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
