that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
