i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
