By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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