Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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