Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
