I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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