just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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