Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
