He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
