My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
