It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
