Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
