hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
