Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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