u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Congratulations! We have a period
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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