the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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