we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
