It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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