if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
