oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
