Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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