I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want nice things and good sex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
