Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
