First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
