I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
