Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
