I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
