Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
