Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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