If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
