Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
