drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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