Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
