I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
