Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
