Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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