i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
