she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
