We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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