chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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