were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
