Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
