My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
