That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
