I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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