can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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