I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
