I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
