when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
