no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
