I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
