I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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